


Ten Alternate Universes - Granny Weatherwax

by DaibhidC



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Western, Gen, Mirror Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 17:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: The challenge: "Give me a character/pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it."The universes: Canon Divergence, Coffee Shop, Wild West, Mirror Universe ...In SPACE!!, Historical, Fusion, Emergency Services, Supernatural, SteampunkThe character: Granny Weatherwax!





	1. Canon Divergence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thisbluespirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/gifts).



Granny was working in the small herb border at the front of at the house in Lancre High Street when a group of witches led by Mrs Earwig arrived. Granny looked askance at them.

"Can I help you with somethin', Mrs Earwig?" she asked, without looking up.

"Yes, as it happens. And it's pronounced _Ah-wij,_ thank you." Granny shrugged, and continued weeding. Most of her _real_ herbs were still back at the cottage garden, which had become a sort of allotment, partly because they wouldn't have thrived in such a small space, and partly because Verence had very cautiously asked her not to take the more … volatile … ones inside the town walls.

She did not, Nanny noted from somewhere near the back, invite them in for a cup of tea. In psychological warfare between witches, this was about DefCon 2.

Mrs Earwig persevered, "It concerns the Witch Trials. We thought it would be best coming from me since we have so much in common, Mrs Ridcully."

Granny's back was already ramrod straight, but somehow she contrived to stiffen even further.


	2. Coffee Shop

Gytha Ogg bustled into the Cosy Coven (named by the third and most junior partner in the business), where Esme was behind the counter.

"Busy morning?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Been pretty quiet," Esme admitted, "Couple of people came to the door, but when I asked them what they wanted, they muttered something and left quickly. I reckon they was looking for a different shop."

"Yeah," muttered Gytha, "Look, Esme, I think it's great you volunteered to take a turn at the till even though you're the senior partner…"

"But?" said Esme in a voice like a razor.

"Well," said Gytha carefully, "People skills. They ain't really your forty, are they?"

"I thought that was supposed to be a selling point in coffee shop staff," sniffed Esme, "Leastwise according to that internet comic thing young Tiffany reads."

"Up to a point, mebbe, but not when you're driving the customers away. Look, you're good at … at the book-keeping and that…"

"I see." The razor now had icicles forming on it. "Then I'll just go into the office where I won't scare people, and leave you and your _people skills_ to it, shall I?" She did so.

Gytha sighed. That was something she'd have to sort out later; right now _someone_ had to man - or woman - the till. As she moved round she noticed a sign that hadn't been there last night. It read "HOME MADE ROCK CAKES £1.50".

 _Well_ , she thought, _If Esme's Look wasn't enough to scare 'em off, the prospect of having to try her baking would_ certainly _do it._


	3. Wild West

"So you're Doc Weatherwax, the woman bonesetter?" sneered the man in black.

"And you're Boss Felmet, the man who shot Liberty Verence."

"I never!" yelped Felmet, "His gun went off accidentally! I wasn't even there! _And_ he drew first! Yeah, he drew first and _then_ his gun went off accidentally! I wasn't even there!"

Doc sighed, "Honestly, the folk of Lancre Creek don't rightly care how you came by the Verence ranch. The problem is, you're a lousy rancher." She fixed him with a piercing look. "And if there's one thing we can't abide, it's someone killing off the land."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually supposed to be Shapeshifters, but I had a massive writers block there (I'd done becoming-a-Magpyr with Agnes, there's no real Granny/werewolf connection and whenever I though of a concept involving her using magic to change shape she just said "I _could_ do that, o' course, but Borrowing's easier.") So I looked at some of the previous options, and decided on Wild West. Mostly for the Liberty Verence gag.


	4. Mirror Universe

When Death came for the Crone, he was curious. As a servant of the Auditors, he didn't object to what she'd done; the ease with which humans destroyed each other just proved the Auditors were right to see them as an aberration. And, of course, made … disposing … of that aberration so much easier. But he still sought to understand the _reasons_ they were like this.

SO MUCH DEATH, he said, SO MUCH DESTRUCTION. YOUR WAR AGAINST THE LAST KING HAS RAVAGED A CONTINENT. YOUR MOUNTAINS AND HIS PLAINS HAVE BOTH BEEN REDUCED TO ASH.

His gaze bore into her. WHY?

She met his stare without flinching. "Because if you ain't got respect, you ain't got a thing."

AND DO YOU THINK YOUR ACTIONS BROUGHT YOU RESPECT?

"No. So I didn't have a thing to lose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the [Shattered Disc](https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?413172-Badwrong-fun-Shattered-Disc) RPG.net discussion thread.


	5. ...In Space!

It had taken some time to reconstruct what had happened, but it seemed as if Esme Weatherwax had taken Lancre Station's only fighter spacecraft, which Shawn Ogg had carelessly left unlocked, and launched a desperate suicide attack on the wormhole to the Unseelie Zone. She had closed it, but there was no sign of her. Her friends and family mourned. Administrator Verence commissioned the Ironfoundersson asteroid mining clan to build a statue in her honour.

It was a day later when Gytha Ogg received a recurring subspace message. Three words, no sender identification.

"I ATEN'T DEAD."


	6. Historical

As the army made its way across the countryside it passed two old women and a young maiden. "Wha's aw this?" the shorter of the women asked.

The seneschal looked down on them. "This is the army o the Mormaer o Moray. He gaes tae ficht agin Donnchad mac Crínáin."

"The Morma-whae?" she asked.

"Your laird," said the seneschal impatiently. "Mac Bethad mac Findlaích. He's learned the king is reavin oor land, an rides oot tae stop him." His tone made it very clear the women should be impressed.

"Och, that laird," said the taller woman, as though the matter was of no importance, "Weel, best o luck tae him, A suppose."

It was amazing how much would get made out of that remark later on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there's two obvious historical events to drop Esme at, and I didn't fancy trying to make jokes about the Pendle witch trials, so you get Historic Macbeth.
> 
> (And yes, I know 11th century Moravians wouldn't have spoken Scots...)


	7. Fusion

"You don't know the power of the Dark Side!" Darth Lilith declared.

The old woman in Jedi robes looked at her levelly. "Oh, I reckon I does," she said, "And the thing about power is, the more you gets, the less you're using it and the more it's using you."

She took a step towards her sister. "Until one day, you've got all the power in the galaxy, and you suddenly realise that, in the face of that power, you're completely powerless."

The words hit Lilith harder than she'd admit, but she rallied. "And I suppose if I strike you down, you'll become more powerful than I can imagine?"

"No, if you strike me down, I'll be dead," Esme said matter-of-factly. "So I've a fair bit invested in not lettin' you do that."


	8. Emergency Services

"Mrs Ogg!" called out the hospital administrator, "Is it all right if I have a quick word with you?"

"I was actually just startin' me shift, Mrs…" a fractional hesitation "…Ah-wij."

"It won't take a moment," Mrs Earwig said, because people who ask if it's all right for them to have a quick word with you are never actually interested in whether it's all right for them to them have a quick word with you. 

"It's about Miss Weatherwax. I know she's your friend, but do you think she's entirely _suitable_ for the role of a paramedic?"

Gytha shrugged. "She's bloody good at it, so yes, I do."

"Her medical skills aren't in question," said Mrs Earwig, in a tone of voice that suggested she regretted having to admit this, "but her bedside manner is perhaps a bit lacking?"

"She doesn't have much time for that, no. She gets results though. Sometimes people recover just from the news we're on the way!"


	9. Supernatural

Ever since Tiffany Aitken's parents had moved from the South Downs to Lancashire, she'd noticed that all the weird events the grownups didn't notice seemed to revolve around the old woman who lived in the cottage at the edge of the village. She'd decided the woman was probably a witch, and causing the events.

As the two of them fought to return the Spirit of Winter to its own dimension, she reflected that she'd been half right.


	10. Steampunk

Professor Weatherwax was relieved that her student seemed to have no long-term side-effects from her misadventure. None of this relief showed in her voice, however, as she pointed out to young Eskarina that this was an object lesson in why the Psychic-Transference Device should only be used under her supervision, unless one wished to spend the rest of one's life as a bird of prey.


End file.
